It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
