somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize