proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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