Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
