Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
