Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize