i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
