Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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