the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
