Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
His nipple licking is glorious
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