I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Someone shattered a urinal.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
