I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
