you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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