what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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