Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
