On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
