I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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