Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
