i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
