Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
