Are we in a gay sports bar?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
