Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize