I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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