Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
