He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
