my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize