At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
