No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
