On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
