When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize