Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
