Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize