You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
