i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
