Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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