I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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