Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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