...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
