The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
