Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
