I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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