Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize