Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
