We won't sleep together?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize