so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
