So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
