yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
