Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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