Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
