he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
PANTIES FOUND
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