There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize