Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
