I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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