Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i already hear my dad disowning me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i think im in europe. pls send help
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
