I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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