i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
