I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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