Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
