Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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