he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You made out with two different species that night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
