I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
