just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize