Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
