Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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