Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
