Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
