when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
