Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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