The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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