i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize