Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
