I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
