none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
