Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
