wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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