I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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