Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize