I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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