She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
