she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
